If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
