I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
