Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
