she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
