Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
