Well douche your snatch and let's go!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
