i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
