Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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