Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
