i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
