Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
