theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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