I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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