Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
