I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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