if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize