I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
