Will you blow on my dice?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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