He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
