Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
