I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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