her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
