That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
