WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
