I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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