He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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