Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
