Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
