I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
