Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
