Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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