walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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