Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just threw up on my dentist
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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