The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
