i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
