Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
