piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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