Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
