are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
