so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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