I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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