I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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