I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
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Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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