i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
