I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I pour the whiskey from now on
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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