I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
