Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
of course. lets lasso hookers.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
