I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
