Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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