Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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