So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
