if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
