I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.