she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?