Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.