Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.