i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you win again, gameday.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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