So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Four minutes until I can fart!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
These tits shall not be calmed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
